A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage by Gary Chapman

Author:Gary Chapman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2014-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

DAILY GROWTH EXERCISES

Conversations with God

Continue to record on page 151 the chapters you read, mark, and discuss with God.

Sharing Time with My Spouse

You may wish to play the Tank Check Game during this sharing time. You will certainly want to discuss the love-language concept shared in the learning exercise. Continue to record your sharing time on page 153.

The way a couple arrives at decisions can make or break a marriage. Communication problems in marriage often stem from disagreements in decision-making. The “husband-as-dictator” pattern has destroyed the creative spirit of many wives. The “mother-superior” attitude has made children out of many husbands. Neither of these patterns is biblical, but many Christians have accepted them as normal.

Marriage is meant to be two persons who are members on the same team. God is the coach, and the husband and wife are teammates. Successful teammates cooperate. “How can we help each other?” is the question asked by members of a winning team. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Therefore, God created a “helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). The word suitable means “one perfectly matched.” The word helper implies that the wife is to be actively and vitally involved with her husband in the task of subduing the earth (see Genesis 12:8). This principle of cooperative endeavor applies to decision-making as well as other areas of life.

For the wife to be a helper and for the husband not to be alone in decision-making, there must be open and free communication of thoughts and feelings. Why should a husband be limited to his insights when he has a wise helper? How can a wife be a helper if she is always silent? When a husband or wife seeks to control the other, they cease to be a team. They no longer cooperate but become competitors. This was never God’s intention.

Team members who cannot agree on the game plan will never be winners. Similarly, husbands and wives who cannot agree on decisions will never produce a winning marriage. The Old Testament prophet asked the question, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3). Walking together requires coordinated effort. No less is required for harmonious marriages. Husbands and wives should always work toward agreement on decisions.

Reaching agreement, however, is a process. Individuals have personal thoughts and feelings on every subject. Our thoughts and feelings do not always agree with those of our spouses. We must listen, understand, and compromise to reach agreement. Compromise is not a negative word. Webster’s says a compromise is “a settlement by consent reached by mutual concessions.” We each share our perspective and then we look for that on which we can agree. Each partner should be willing to give and to change, if each one can see the benefit to the other. The attitude of love discussed in chapter seven is so important. Without a spirit of love—seeking the welfare of the other—we may never reach agreement.

Couples whose emotional needs are unmet have difficulty agreeing.

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